Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Evil of the Iron Man!

I have decided that the Iron Man competition is of the Devil; it is that simple. You have thousands of men and women who dress up in form fitting outfits (some form up in to leotards), showing off their toned muscles, and they run around a lot with a bit of swimming and leisurely bike riding through the city. That has evil written all over it. That is not all, no sir, in reality the Iron Man kept one specific person from having a spiritual manifestation of grand proportions!

It all began a few days before the Iron Man competition. I went to the Magic Kingdom at Disney World to enjoy the fireworks, parades, and rides with some interesting (and cute, cannot forget cute) friends. While I was there enjoying a rather large float with Jafar and the Evil Queen from Snow Whit, I received a text asking me to speak in church on Sunday about patience. But not just any patience, the talk “Continue in Patience” by President Dieter Uchtdorf of the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Of course I accepted, the heathens in my congregation needed to know the truth, and what better man to give them the truth about patience but I, Eric!

I prepared my talk over the course of the next few days, and my, what a talk it was. The big day to present it arrived, I loaded up in my car with my adopted sister and friend Joyce in to my car, and off we were to church. We left a good amount of time ahead of schedule as well in order to arrive to church on time, because really, in order to give such a great talk, I had to be there on time. Well wouldn’t you know it, as we traveled on a rather large road here in Orlando, Florida called County Road 535, I found the Iron Man competition bike route, and there were a lot of people riding along it. At this time I did not think to much of the evil these athletes were about to provoke upon us all. We got to the road that we needed to turn left on in order to get to the chapel, the bike route was blocking the very road I had to turn left on. That was alright, soon enough they would let us pass. But as I waited there in the left turn lane, the cars began to pile up behind me. Minute after minute passed, and still no cars in front of us turned left, and the cars continued to pile up behind us. Time was running out for me to get to church on time! Oh how disappointed everyone would had been without the knowledge f patience 5 had to pass along to them. I decided quickly to find an alternate route. I left the left turn lane and continued on CR 535, hoping to find a new location to turn left. I searched and searched and searched, but there was nothing. No matter where I went to get to the chapel, there the bike route was, laughing at me for the feudal attempt to get to that sacred location known as church. I decided I had to call in to Bryce to let him know I would not make it on time to speak.

“Hey Bryce, this is Eric.” I greeted Bryce.

“Oh hey Eric, how are you?” replied Bryce.

“Good, hey listen, I cannot get around the Iron Man competition to get to church to give my talk, sorry man, but someone else there is going to have to speak.”

“Ummm, Eric, you do realize you are speaking tonight at the 8:00pm sacrament meeting right?”


So there you have it, the Iron Man actually did not stop me at all from giving my talk, nor from getting to church for that matter, I still got to church for the 8:00pm meeting and gave a pretty good talk. But still, it is evil in its entire scheme and I now have a personal vendetta against it that must be satisfied.

Curse you Iron Man!!!

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